Dear Grandmas,

We are having the most stay at home staycation we have ever had this summer and so far the kids are going stir crazy.  We have been trying to go to the pool but they aren’t old enough to go by themselves or with neighbor kids yet.  Plus I work at home, so I can’t take them very much.  You grandmas seem to have good ideas for when everyone is climbing the walls.  They are in reading club at the library for summer and we do that, but that only works for a half hour a day – reading.  At night when my wife comes home, it is chaos.  Please help.  Thank you.  – Thomas R.

Dear Thomas R.,

I’m afraid we’ve let you down. By now the summer is 2/3 over and you’ve muddled through without any advice from the Grandmas.  But we’re going to try to answer your question anyway, because there’s always NEXT summer, and also the last few weeks of this one. There’s a lot we don’t know about your situation, and we are wondering, do you live in a house or an apartment, how old are your kids, how many hours a day are you obliged to dedicate to your work, etc.? 

But in spite of all that, we have come up with some generic, one-size-fits-all suggestions: 

1. Day Camp, or a couple of neighborhood teens who will personalize one for your kids and maybe a few other children.  This would provide supervision and playmates for your children and also a wonderful opportunity for the neighborhood teens to make a little money and learn some child care skills. One of the grandmother’s daughters ran such a day camp some years back and now is a child psychologist. No kidding. And as far as we know all the children who were in her care grew up to be well-adjusted.

Dear Grandmothers: We’re going to be moving to another house in a few weeks, and whenever I try to talk to our kids about it, they tell me they don’t want to move, or give me blank stares like they don’t know what I’m talking about. We showed them the new place a couple of times, but they didn’t seem impressed. What’s their problem?

Let us start by assuming that you are moving out of choice, not a painfully wrenching economic necessity. We’d have a different answer for that situation.

But in any case, moving from one home to another, whether halfway around the world or merely to another part of town, is upsetting, literally as well as emotionally. Everything must be packed, moved, changed. Children’s sense of security depends in part on familiar surroundings and schedules, on predictability. They might not be able to understand why their parents might think a move is such a great idea in the first place. 

Dear Grandmas,

This is a question about grandmas; it should be perfect for you, I hope. My in-laws are from out of town. Last time they visited, my daughter referred to her other, in-town grandmother as her “real” grandma. My mother-in-law made a joke, and now refers to herself as Grandma X. My daughter (she is 6) feels like she did something wrong, and stayed away from my mother-in-law most of the time they were here. I talked to my daughter about it but “Grandma X” keeps calling herself that and I’m worried that when they are here the next time, my daughter will spend even less time with her, when they have so little time together already. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.  Thanks!

--Mother of a very self-conscious little girl

Dear Mother,

Yes, you have come up with a question that penetrates right to the grandmotherly bone. Most of us have both in-town and out-of-town children, so we alternately play the roles of both “Grandma X” and “real grandma.” Through the years we’ve come up with two rules for competing with the other grandmother: 1) Don’t; and 2) Whatever the child does or says, don’t take it personally. As tempting as it is to try to be designated the best grandmother, to buy the best presents, to play with the grandchildren the most tirelessly - drop out of that contest before it begins. We grandmothers need to stick together, to support one another, complement as well as compliment one another. And as to not taking it personally: even small babies will reject a caregiver who was their favorite moments before; toddlers will tease and older children will manipulate with their fickleness. They are just practicing making choices and having preferences and don’t mean it as personal rejection, so grandma needn’t take it that way.

Dear Grandmothers,
One of the kids at my son's pre-school told him about the crucifixion, and what happened, with all the exact details and he was horrified. Telling him about Easter Sunday did not make him feel better. He has been crying about this at night and is afraid of regular pictures of Jesus in a book. I hope it's okay to ask this question because it's about religion and everybody has their own opinion. I just wanted to know if any of you grandmas ever ran into a situation like this and what you did.
Thank you.
Worried Mother

Dear Ladies,

My kids do not pick up the house.  It gets to a certain point and yelling is involved, and then they pick up.  As soon as it’s picked up they start messing it up again.  I don’t have time to stand over them; I feel like throwing out all their stuff.  Please help.  Thank you, Single Dad.

“Dear Grandmothers, Up until recently I have been a stay-at-home mom with several small project-based jobs I could do online for extra money during early morning hours.  In October, I took on a real online part-time job, because our family needs the money, with paycuts (but no cuts in hours) that have been made by my husband’s employer. I now work on my laptop at the kitchen table while I cook, while the kids do homework, etc. and my kid time (I have two, 6 and 8) has been severely cut. My kids are unhappy, “hating mommy’s job,” acting out, making it hard to concentrate when I HAVE to. I feel bad for them, and want things to be better but I have to keep this job. Any advice?” – Samantha R., Lakeshore Blvd. 

Dear Samantha,

Dear Grandmothers: Do you have any advice on what to do with kids who throw temper tantrums?

Dear Collinwood Observer Reader: Of course we do. We have advice on everything. Tantrums are something we are often asked about, because they are a stage of development parents would like to be able to move their child through as quickly as possible. Tantrums often occur in public places such as supermarket check-out lines and shopping malls. They are characterized by out-of-control screaming and thrashing, and if the parent starts screaming and thrashing herself, matters only get worse.

The Grannies' Holiday Shopping GuideDear Grandmothers: Our holiday shopping issue of the Observer will be coming out soon, and we can hear our readers asking, “eek, what can I get my kid/grandkid who has everything?” or, given the economy, “what can I get my kid that will be valuable but doesn’t cost a lot?”  What do the Grandmothers suggest? – Erin Randel

Dear Erin and all you Observer readers,

Remember “Little House on the Prairie,” when the Ingalls girls were thrilled to receive an orange and a peppermint stick in their stockings, and nothing more? We Grandmothers aren’t quite THAT old, but when it comes to The Holidays, we are that old-fashioned. We would love to see modest gift exchanges become the norm again, as opposed to mounds and mounds of gifts under an over-decorated tree, or, worse yet, unhappy children who had hoped for mounds and mounds of gifts under the tree but were disappointed.

So, if you are quite satisfied with your holiday celebrations as they’ve always been, with excessive gifts followed by excessive credit card bills, you can stop reading right now. But if, on the other hand, you’d like some ideas for some less costly but meaningful gifts for your children, grandchildren, and nieces and nephews, read on.

Dear Collinwood Observer Reader: No one has asked for our advice lately, so we're going to offer some today unsolicited, on the subject of play.THE OLD DAYS

Finally, research has vindicated the mothers of half a century ago who routinely opened the back screen door and told their kids to go play, and not to bother coming back until the street lights came on or they heard the dinner bell, whichever came first. Turns out these mothers were not being abusive and neglectful. The moms of the previous century didn’t know it, of course, but they were ensuring that their children developed a critical cognitive skill called “executive function.”

What kids did when their hours were not filled with TV, video games, and electronic toys (or yoga classes, soccer games, and tiny tot gymnastics) was regulate their own activities, mostly in improvised imaginative play. They played cops and robbers, house, or school, their own reality-based dramas. They also became the characters in fantasies involving queens and dragons, cowboys and horses, flying caped heroes and tall buildings, pirates and sinking ships. And as they did this, researchers are telling us now, they were developing “executive function,” the ability to self-regulate, the measurement of which turns out to be a better indicator of success in school than the results of an IQ test.  Kids with good self-regulation skills are better able to control their emotions, resist impulsive behavior, and become self-disciplined and self-controlled.