August Horoscopes

Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18) *****

Is this the time to be ambiguous? Yes and No. Make friends with a neighbor. This month spend time out on the water, but beware of pirates.

Lucky Number: 1EF

Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20) *****

Stormy days are ahead. Remember that letting the cat out of the bag is easier than putting it back in. This month your loyalty may get you in trouble. Avoid the man with the moustache.

Lucky Number: 9A

Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 19) *****

You like to ride ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there. This month plunge right in, the water and the money will flow.

Lucky Number: 777

Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20) *****

Your sign is the bull, do not feed the bull a bomb. If you do, it will be abominable. If it blows up it will be noble. This month seriously don’t feed the bull.

Lucky Number: E5

Gemini (May 21 – June 20) *****

Rely on others for your independence, but make sure it’s on your terms. Wax you car and drink Cherry Kool-Aid. This month remember that two can live as cheaply as one, but only half as long.

Lucky Numbers: 1, C2, B

Cancer (June 21 – July 22) *****

Your life resembles a water tower. Watch more sunsets. Do not fly any propeller-powered planes. This month remember a fool and his money throw one heck of a party.

Lucky Number: AC

Leo (July 23 – Aug 22) *****

Be as melodramatic as possible at work. Spend all your extra money on presents. This month birthdays are good for you, the more you have the longer you live.

Lucky Number: AA

Virgo (Aug 23 – Sept 22) *****

Be narrow-minded and passionate when making all decisions. Your hidden talent will bring you great success. This month do not go to sleep angry, stay awake and plot revenge.

Lucky Number 20

Libra (Sept 23 – Oct 22) *****

You were wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit you. Your charm and diplomacy will give you a chance to prove that money can make you happy. This month follow your dreams, except the one where you are naked at work.

Lucky Number 5

Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 21) *****

A change in your work environment will prove to be for the best. Spend as much time in a pool as possible. This month remember those who forget the pasta are doomed to reheat it.

Lucky Number EC

Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21) *****

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance. Work will proceed smoothly except for the man with the moustache. This month paint yourself purple and call yourself Barney.

Lucky Number 324

Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 18) *****

Remember that a clean desk is the sign of a cluttered drawer. Your heart's desire will remain just out of your reach. This month it’s not who you know, it’s whom you know.

Lucky Number 1

Publisher note: all Lucky Numbers are Hexadecimal