Horoscopes for Sept
Observer Horoscopes
Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18) ****
It’s time to get out of the rut, the door is wide open. If at first you don’t succeed redefine success. This month if your nose runs and your feet smell you are upside down.
Lucky Number: 14
Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20) ****
Take a break, and have some fun. Go to lunch at Chili Peppers. This month never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
Lucky Number: 77
Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 19) *****
No one heads out on the road without a roadmap like an Aries. Practice patience and charity. This month remember first pillage then burn.
Lucky Number: 62
Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20) *****
Stay steadfast and stubborn. You may have a problem in your family, work, personal, or romantic relationships. This month confession is good for your soul, but bad for your career.
Lucky Number: 2, 7, & 17
Gemini (May 21 – June 20) *****
This will be a great month, you should be happier than a kitten with a Q-tip. Avoid fruit. This month the early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Lucky Numbers: 55, 56, 57
Cancer (June 21 – July 22) ***
Your career, family, friends, or pet, may be upsetting your partner. Half the people in the world are below average. This month try to be very modest, but be very proud of it.
Lucky Number: 11, 21, 41
Leo (July 23 – Aug 22) ****
You’re a kid at heart, so quit fighting it. Buy more play-doh and bubbles. This month meet an interesting person at happy hour at the Beachclub Bistro.
Lucky Number: 66, 67
Virgo (Aug 23 – Sept 22) *****
New beginnings, new hopes, wishes come true. Attend a wedding. The sooner you fall behind the more time you will have to catch up. This month you will be busier than a beaver in a lake full of coffee.
Lucky Number 9, 10, 13,
Libra (Sept 23 – Oct 22) *****
You think there is good in everybody, you obviously have not met everybody. During the day you should sweat it out in the streets of a runaway american dream. This month stay till last call as often as possible.
Lucky Number 19 for Bernie Kosar
Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 21) *****
If everything’s coming your way, you might be in the wrong lane going the wrong way. Participate in ballroom dancing. This month all power corrupts, but absolute power is pretty neat.
Lucky Number 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3
Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21) *****
Fly by the seat of your pants, you will chatter more than a dolphin next to a fish bucket. Beware of fresh flowers. This month failure is not an option, it is bundled with your software.
Lucky Number 32
Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 18) ****
The legal, cultural, travel, relocation, political, religious, academic, or media related issues you have been dealing with over the last couple of years are finally coming to an end. This month if you can’t convince em, confuse em.
Lucky Number 105